monk lover

I came to you lilacs in hand
your monk lover
captured by grace and a game of pool
(eight-balled and sunk)
wanting to tempt you out of your isolation
with promises of play and irresponsibility

I offered my heart
but it was only half given
too afraid to be exposed
we fought and loved
stormed and soothed
I was thrashed by your sometime succubus
and broken open by softness

we walked wide circles around each other
like cautious cats
seeking space
then rushing into wild embrace

against all advice
we married
on a day when we fought the most
in a chapel by a lake filled with light

within days, I was paralyzed by fear

more used to being alone
I hovered half a heart away
a hundred times you said “divorce”
a hundred times I thought “leave”
but no one moved
it took a while to understand
that the stars must play their games
and the time apart made us feel
how close we really are
distance proving antidote to our fears

even now as we swirl together
we bump into surprise frailties
our hearts easily crashed by a left open drawer
or a tired word

but I think we are getting better aren’t we?

you still require I prove myself
(I still resist, but less)
each time
I take a closer step to love
my ego shaved a touch more clean

even as I sit in my cool silence
I desire your hot flame
and the thrill of our teen-time love
I will always see you young

you and I can scorch wire
with our telephone heat
that afternoon of fifty year old passion
made the planets melt and drip

and now I am a surprise poet
with words of love and god
but I wouldn’t have come near to his home
unless you had beaten down the doors
I closed before me

with us
it will never be about cars and houses
and paying bills
I am not that responsible
nor are you
for us it is about god tears in the morning
heart touching
and glimpses of recognition
while out on sunshine walks

there is a reason I talk with dogs
we share a secret—
being faithful to love
will always take you to God
no matter what mistakes you make
along the way

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